Monthly Archives: June 2010

arriving here, this morning

each morning, there is something new arriving

and something left remaining from the day before,

even moments before in this blend of all things.

yesterday, i spent the day with myself and 40 others

and the trees and the meadow and countless other wild

voices, threads, conversations, and the fire at the center.

i had been called some time ago to be at this place.

was it the forest, was it the poetry within me, was it

the fire that still had some work to do with me?

was it the place, was it the people? was it the famous

ones, the storytelling, the green? was it the one

that is the many and the all and the beingness wrapped

into that vibration that so easily calls me home?

•  •  •

whatever was the call, i sit with myself now, in this

new arriving, the alchemy of elements shifted within,

burned, opened, laid to ash, ground to pigment, left to be.

am i changed or is this changing the very one that i am?

it is within this sitting, within the arriving that greets each

moment, each new day, that these questions find their form.

sometimes the wood is damp, sometimes the flames spring

from an exquisitely seasoned fuel, the heart calling in song.

sometimes the heart weeps and the fire burns and the wings

hold tight in wait for the flight that will take them, soon.

that holding, exquisite in its own right, visits me now and

burns, the damp forced out in tears. these tears, arrive

this morning, having found their way as this conversation,

this stone path, bringing voice to this morning song.

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this is a place to listen

when things are stirred within, the territory is deeply rich for listening. the inner terrain is vast and sometimes awkward to move around within. i’ve recently been tuned in more so to the unique way of my own listening: feeling beyond the apparent, feeling simultaneously into multiple layers of existence and consciousness both. this kind of perception could be described as tasting, tasting and smelling the rich bouquet and complexities to be found by a palate that has surrendered to the possibility of accessing the information array, ever so subtle, like filtered light speckled across the tongue and olfactory organs.

so, to pause becomes the opportunity here, to not skip over this inner fire or wind or brilliantly sunny heights within. today, a heavy rain within is what draws my attention. the weight and gravity of these drops finding there way into nooks and crannies of my solar plex and sympathetic nerves, flooding me with information so full that slowing down is in order. there is a particular way of accessing such information, a stepping out of time or simply stepping into a rhythm that is unique to myself in this place, to the nature of what is to be accessed here.

time is pliant. the natural stretch of time becomes an ally in this process of feeling within. ‘listening time’ affords being. and in that answer, having been called, the repository, treasure-like, opens upon the slightest touch.

fantasy fantasia

many, many fantasies ~ the heart of seeming existence

yet another filtering in, bleeding into this moment

bleeding in, the mix of this and that  …  here  …

here and there mixed into ‘here’ ~ then what?

commingling, cohabiting, confusing, cross-pollinating

• • •

thus the nature of three distinct awareness streams

we are the seed and the flesh of this both

being in the now

being outside of the now

being, being as being

• • •

being reactive in the now

being reactive outside of the now

being reactive

we are the seed and the flesh of this both

we grow within the matrix we know

• • •

being repressed in the now

being repressed outside of the now

being repressed

every cell listens to the vibration of the song that is playing

every heart moves within a medium it calls home

• • •

my home is being, being as being

even when i fight this or flight from this

and fantasy fuels the fire of my higher knowing

taking this ride, sometimes with the bottom falling out

surrendering to anticipation as the composer of the score

• • •

i return to being

and here the glory of that return

feeds and nourishes from purity previously unknown

opening out into that wider field

emanating being

the inanimate ~ not at all lifeless

there has always been a kind of communion for me with the inanimate. i spent many years of my life earlier inspired by the making of objects and intrigued by the impetus in others for the making of objects. often, i have come to experience the deepest sadness i know in the presence of neglected, ignored, or ‘left for dead’ objects. to me, inanimate things are hardly what i would call ‘lifeless,’ which is how inanimate is defined in a standard dictionary.

last night, in a moment some might call a revery, i was communing deeply with the different objects in my home, including the structure of my home. communing deeply, what does that mean? i see the knowing or consciousness of these objects, i feel the experience they have of being appreciated and having a use or role in their expression of form. it seems to me that objects that are cared for, interacted with regularly, placed and truly seen are vibrating at a higher frequency. there is a kind of singing coming from these objects, a dignity, a presence that has an impact upon me and my consciousness.

what i’ve come to realize is that i have a certain capacity to relate to the objects in my surround. i can reach an overwhelm point in which i have two many things around me in which i no longer hold an easy communication with or sensing of the spirit in these things. my own shift in energy is quickly subsumed by the objects around me and we shift into a lower frequency together. do you realize how many environments are crowded with objects that aren’t given the simple dignity of being cared for, beautifully placed, acknowledged, or respected in some way for their unique contribution? have you contemplated the life, spirit, and voice of the objects around you?

i’ve consistently had a resonance with shinto practices that honor the ‘kami’ or spirit of objects. yes! there are many other spirited world views that similarly acknowledge the life within natural and man made objects both. shamanic based cultures are among these. children, too, have a naturally open consciousness to the life in all things.

here is where i am

if here is where i am, then what kind of shelter is needed in that place?

i’ve been in a process of ‘finding’ my next place to live. as one part contemplative, one part human animal nature, and one part quantum consciousness, this process has its confusions and expectations, its turns and returns, and its surrenders and revelations. what is the impulse behind this search, this inherent instability, this very human predicament to go looking for something ‘out there,’ something ‘better’ perhaps, or something that could hold the future?

shelter, for me, is an art form, just as is life. it’s good to remind myself that, ultimately, the survival drive behind much of this life comes from a legacy of the human condition itself, from the sea of ancestral waters washing up on my genetic shores. the actual function of my own being is something of a different order, a mystery of the quantum field itself responding and giving rise to aliveness and spirit intelligence.

‘finding’ might not be the verb in order here when it comes to sheltering the one part quantum consciousness. listening maybe? communing, very likely. simply being and observing and surrendering, all of these. i hear all the animal nature sounds around me as i pause in this way. that human animal nature can be ‘sheltered’ in the the surrendering to the quantum consciousness aspect of life. it’s possible that the one part contemplative is the actual communication synergy between these two other parts.

yes, here is where i am.

quixotic

the view from here is rather likely infused with that which i’ve been contemplating within of late, thus the title of this blog. i interact with my world internally and externally often from a contemplative stance. i’m curious about what i see and experience, sometimes pause in awe of the human condition. at moments, i see the quixotic nature* of the experiences that so much of humanity is deeply immersed in and carrying with them. much of the outward manifestation of our human life and ways seems simply preposterous. and yet, i live out this human life, these ways, myself. humbling.

i’ve had a role on the last several wednesday afternoons in which i stand at the entrance to a parking lot for a building where i go to yoga and where i also get great acupuncture treatments from time to time. this building is opposite the town park where the weekly farmer’s market happens in the afternoons late spring, summer, and early fall. parking is tricky on these days and many people are scouting for parking spots anywhere they can find them. (*driving in cars as much as we do ~ certainly quixotic!) so, this lot is often approached by people who have no business in the building, but are delighted to park in this private lot nonetheless. having the role of slowing people down and actually requesting an audience with them is quite a contemplation!

i recognize that this act of stopping and seeing people in their habitual selves, going about ‘their business’ in the world, is quite startling to some, simply an outrage to others, a curiosity to a few, and for some a moment of protected impatience or confusion. it’s quite a concentrated task. it’s not a social nicety to ask for a few extra seconds out of a person’s day who is hurried and intent upon driving themselves somewhere.

this kind of contemplation takes guts. i can tell that i have a part of humanity within me that feels somewhat important in telling others what to do and what not to do. and yet, to stand in this role with relaxation and with my perceptions open, i have to feel that part of me getting activated. does it take over, does it start telling stories, does it get energized, does it become entranced in the factors holding this whole perplexing phenomena together? am i myself or do i become some tempered crony of the deceptions and regulations around what is simply another odd human situation?