Monthly Archives: December 2011

So Many Reflections Through This Form

First, it’s the music ~ music is one of the deepest reflections there is for me. A reflection in the most visceral sense where within me a recognition is stirred of the primordial nature of what I feel to be my very core self or essence. When I experience this kind of reflection, it’s as if I have access to the formless nature of being through the form of my physical self, the simple within the complex, and the vastness of the timeless within the present moment. It’s not as if I’m listening to music, but I am the music, the awareness, consciousness, and the embodiment of the music. ~ 10.7.11

Another is simply being one with nature ~ interesting, this one. Of course, I am one with nature, as there is no separating that very core aspect of this form existing in nature, as nature, otherwise I wouldn’t be able to perceive myself as ‘being one with nature.’ What occurs more than not, however, is that I am in some organized structure, a house, a car, something constructed out of nature, but one that creates more of a separation from nature than not. These structures and dwelling in them seems to me to be similar to the mind dwelling in a concept ~ there is some ‘safety’ or ‘protection’ there in the concept, but ultimately an artificial boundary.

Stepping outside of these structures, I find I meld with or join my timeless and natural state of being when just surrendering the form into natural landscape. I walk and walk up into the hills only to immerse my nature in the nature of these surrounding hills and forests, laying supine on a grassy slope facing the western sinking sun. I experience the closest thing to this ‘pre-mind’ nature in my ‘post-mind’ consciousness.

Eckhart Tolle describes nature and animals as being ‘pre-mind’ and humans as ‘post-mind.’ (In his CD collection called the art of PRESENCE.) What I take from this is that even though we, as humans, have been front and center so overly involved on an evolutionary level with the development of the mind and thus the preoccupations of the mind, we are actually at a time when we have the opportunity to step into a new ‘post-mind’ relationship with being that has an interesting relationship with the ‘pre-mind’ state of being we can witness in animals and nature. “Connecting with being,” he calls it “connecting with your body, it’s more than body, the invisible life that animates the body, the intelligence field.”

Riding the Way of Human Experiencing and not-Knowing

I just can’t know how things are until the whole of the experience that I am in is experienced all the way through to it’s fulfillment or completion. Of course, I think I know and I’ve thought I knew ‘what was going on’ many a time and moved from that place thinking I knew. A while back, I met this realization, both sides of it, in the flesh, so to speak, in a way that it landed in my cells as a recognition that I responded to within my life intelligence. Ah, freeing and at the same time weighty in some way. I was inspired again today to reflect on this insight on the workings of such a deep mechanism in the human, experiential way after reading a quote by a fellow HD journeyer who shared her own insights into this phenomena. She describes this in her own words, but she maps it out beautifully in her pointing to the nature of this particular ‘way’ of human experiences and awareness:

Let’s say, I set ‘100’ as the marker, I consider ’99’ the mid-point” – ’cause that’s exactly what the Human Experiential Way is about (41/30 -> 36/35). Once you arrive at the ’50’ mark you may still be fully excited that you are getting exactly what you planned, what you wanted – then very few make it, endure until the ’70th mark’, since frustration/ bitterness/ anger/ disappointment has already overruled the Body’s Intelligence – and it’s only about: “I gotta get it! Gotta get it, no matter the price!” – oh, how much waste of resources, how much resistance, how much wear and tear on your body! – And then, just when the real mystery/miracle, uniquely designed for you, is about to happen, this point 99, only 1 more step to go! you have already lost all of your JUICE, and maybe longtime given up on that Initial Spark that had set you on this experiential journey… and it’s then, ‘IT’ suddenly happens! So, that’s what I’ve learned and learning again and again: Stay with it! Follow your unique strategy and inner authority no matter what the ‘results’!! 🙂 Then you truly have a life! Doesn’t have to be the one you thought… CAN actually never be the one you thought. Such a Joke and also such a drag many times. -Life reveals itself, no one knows your truth, since it’s only been waiting for you… this is what I woke up with today, right from the bottom of my being.- ~ Gisela Koška

My personality Sun gate, the 41, initiates this whole cycle. I, at times, can feel that working in me, especially right now where the global program is providing the 30th gate and the 35th gate to my 41 and 36, both on the personality side. What can pop out of my mouth, some part of me trying to ‘describe’ what is going on, continues to amaze me at the audacity of what is declared! “This is what is happening…” I so boldly declare, as I have the feeling that I can speak ‘what is true’ and yet, as stated earlier here, by its very nature, we cannot know what is unfolding, what is true even, until the full unfolding is reached. And not reached in a pseudo way, seemingly offering ‘knowing!’

This circuit also carries a different kind of wave than I am used to. Hope and pain, hope and pain and back again. In the hope cycle, it’s so easy to find myself declaring that I know what’s going on! Even in the pain, it’s as if I feel I can see into the underbelly of what is present, instead of just being in presence, relaxing into the passenger consciousness. I seem to enlist others (ah the collective nature of this circuitry) so easily or at least I seem to feel impulsed with a strong desire (30th gate!) to include others, to share, to discuss… And all of this I am watching now.

Even in this writing, I have the feeling that I don’t know what to say. It’s as if I am reporting somewhere along the way, with really nothing to report other than “this is where I seem to be right now!” In the shift from speaking with a degree of certainty, to now watching all these impulses one way or the other to declare something to be so and, in truth, having no idea what is so, what is true other than being itself. So many others seem to wish me to tell them how it is in my life. People waiting for this very declaration and not asking me or even considering to ask, “do you really know that to be true?” or “can you know that to be truly the way it is?” Ah, the open breath that comes when I imagine friends and allies being with me in not-knowing, relishing it in the same way that I do!

I welcome you along with welcoming myself to this not-knowing journey, as long as it continues on. Oh joy, in that being! Love Yourself!

Nexus Self Rest as Motion

The perception point as a place of rest within the space of time/space moving around me has become more real, more palpably felt for me lately. At one time I experienced what felt to me as a profound shift in my relationship to my thoughts through a recognition of the distinction between streams or kinds of awareness, each with their own unique natures. At that time, it was a great revelation, which was followed by moments that felt like a liberation as I would feel free to say, “ah, I’m not thinking about this!” Even though thinking happened, I would not bring my focus there as part of feeling into or sensing my movements or direction. It was a recognition that thinking was not required to ‘be’ and to be true within myself, that what was true for me had an autonomy all its own, not dependent on being thought through. I’m curious now, if that was a moment that I recognized the experience of resting in the mechanics of storyline.

And now, this resting within a primary perception point comes as felt sense, not so much a recognition of something, but internal sensing of something undeniable, real where all things in motion are held in a spatial or 360 degree relationship rather than a linear relationship. Listening deeply to music, I have a similar experience of the kind of spatial awareness I’m pointing to here. Although the music can be represented linearly by a score and be accessed by musicians and played via that score, the experience of being in the music, hearing it, is purely vibrational, non linear, spatial in the sense that the vibrations move all around in their unique tones and frequencies. Music, for me, is spatial, organically opening out awareness. I have such a deep recognition of my own nature as I rest in the music, music that I respond to and resonate with.

What I love about arriving at (where there is also no arriving, no departing) this perception point, is taking in the richness of the perceptual field from the vantage point of the spatial listener, the three and four dimensional seer, the receptive. The music or the view is complex and simple at once. There is totality and there are many threads, each unique and distinct that have their own natures. And these threads correspond with aspects of my conscious or unconscious uniqueness such that the actual weaving of these are a dance that happens all on its own. There is a felt sense of the totality within me and all around me indistinguishable, just as the music or silence has capacity to penetrate and completely absorb this nexus of self.