Tag Archives: thoughts and images

At the Portal

Best description I have here is that I’m at or aware of some kind of portal. I drew this portal today, which is what tells me it has some presence, some existence somewhere in my being, in the psyche that I resonate with energetically, something of that order.

At this opening, sometimes there is a force pulling me in, sometimes it is something pressing out or visceral pressure as if pushing against. It can change in a millisecond and that’s when it’s most felt, in that fluctuation. A whole other array of energies come into play in that second, as if there is an acute sensate awareness of what is both above and below simultaneously.

Yes, it’s as if the two distinct realities have gotten mixed and some alchemical reaction occurs in that instant. So much information floods through somatically. My brain triggers chemicals left and right, consciousness is in its feasting season, the Beloved has appeared and disappeared both, leaving a wave of breathlessness, insight, exhaustion, and longing all rolled into one.

What feels so appropriate in this drawing is that what is pointed to is the portal, not that which exists or is sensed or felt on either side of it, above or below or even through. It comes to me why some religions have approached the subject of depicting the image of the Beloved, of God and been unable to come up with anything but outright forbidding of such a practice. That which is felt here certainly feels sacred, pure beingness, that which remains unnamed.

And yet, the draw is so very real, the draw to see, to know, to behold, to understand, and to reemerge. For me, these actions are beautifully interwoven, such that one without the rest is essentially partial, not complete. The work of this place is work without working for or towards something. Things happen, but nothing can be done. Things come, the work is resting in What Is.

I had a dream on the evening of March 31st that throngs of people were moving toward me through a narrow passage and I was making my way in the opposite direction. If I were to continue on my way, I was literally having to walk on, climb over others or over their legs and shoulders, squeezing through with some kind of drive that seemed pure spirit. The intensity of this convergence has marked me in some way.

Where is the surrender? Surrender to the drive of spirit, to the nearly inhuman urge forward, to something that seems so single minded or certain that it can withstand such force? And may it be possible as I become one with it all, each element in its place is an aspect of this extraordinary confluence of energies as perceived by this consciousness.

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Many Companions

I just have to write today. The days, months and weeks have gone by since visiting here, since inhabiting this space of page, words, laying down the companion words as they come, many companions. The times have been challenging for me, quite, over the last two months, possibly longer too, but especially the last two months. And now I am here.

After turning and turning in the night and dreaming layers of thoughts and images in between, I’ve woken to a new day, a bright day. What I may have looked to and anticipated once doesn’t always seem enjoyable another time; what once felt comforting and companionable, now has spines that I hadn’t noticed earlier. Or so it seems.

The world as it seems is so incredibly receptive to all that is present in the day, circumstances, and timings. I’ve had so, so many insights in the process of this challenging journey of late. Many, many sweet insights, dear insights that I do feel the rightness of this particular way, this particular experience for me in my life at this time. That feeling alone is quite an arrival in itself. Each insight is like a new companion along the way, as they have a presence,  a communication, and a connection within.